To the disbelief of many Michigan residents, the Milatree is no longer. Once standing tall at eight thousand and fifty feet high, the tallest tree in Michigan was cut down by a member of the anti-tree cult, Mark Notree, on January 23, 2021. The Milatree has been around since 1789, planted by George Washington. On January 30, the residents of Lansing will hold a ceremony in honor of the tree.
When asked why he did what he did, Mark Notree said he did it for his cult. The Milatree is against everything we stand for. We believe that one day all the trees in Michigan will be eradicated. Once that day comes, peace will return to humanity.
Mark became a member of the anti-tree cult back in 1993, when his wife died in a forest fire. Page 78 of the Anti-tree handbook states the following:
The Milatree must be chopped down in the year of 2021, or else there will be no hope in success of eliminating all trees of the Midwest.
While many are mourning the loss of the famous tree, the members of the Anti-tree cult are celebrating. We have been waiting for this moment for many years.
says Curt Alltrees, secretary of the cult. For them, cutting down the tree was a symbol of hope and moving forward.
Many angry Lansing residents are calling for the anti-tree cult to be disbanded. Protests will be held at the Lansing Capitol building.
I can’t believe they cut down something so historical!
cries an angered Lansing resident, I remember that tree being there when I was five. Now I am seventy nine and am enraged that my grandchildren will not be able to see it.
Despite many angered people, the Mayor of Lansing, Andy Schortrees, has stated that no charges will be pressed against Mark Notrees and the anti-tree cult.
The tree did not belong to anyone and there was no law saying that it could not be cut down. It is just a tree. I can assure you that our lives will be exactly the same.
Now residents are speculating that Mayor Schortrees may also be a secret member of the cult. Although nothing has been confirmed, the anti-tree cult is rumored to be relocating their HQ to somewhere in the Upper Peninsula.